Having two children is a constant reminder that no child is the same. I have a boy and a girl who are the complete opposites. Though I thank God for the differences, I also have been in my prayer closet for the fights that come from those differences. I have asked God to help me improve and my children’s siblings’ bond. Here are the things that have helped my children. Hopefully these tips given by the Holy Spirit would help your children’s siblings’ bond.
Daily Prayer
You be persistent in prayer for your children’s siblings’ bond and have your children pray over their bond. Having your children pray for each other teaches them the importance of prayer. It also teaches them how to ask God for guidance in hard times. An example of the prayer I have my children pray: “God help me to be the (brother/sister) my sibling needs. Help me to be kind, forgiving, understanding and help me not to instigate.” This prayer helps them learn that prayer is not about changing others but requesting to look more like God. We can’t change others we can only hear pray they listen to God.
Reminder of God’s Blessing
I wanted my children to know having a sibling is a gift from God. One day after being completely frustrated with ANOTHER fight I sought God for help. I asked them to hold each other hands and say, “This is my brother/sister a gift from God, I will be kind to my gift.” They give each other hug after. It is important to explain why it’s important to care for gifts.
At first, my daughter did not want to do this but she has grown so much from this. I don’t know why this has helped haha. This is why I say these tips are inspired by God. Now they made a silly version for this reminder which makes them burst into laughter after a fight. I always make sure they do both versions.
Listen to both sides of the story
My daughter would hit her brother so often, that I had “Please have my daughter stop hitting her brother” two years in a row. I was so accustomed to this type of behavior that when my son would come crying to me I would instantly punish my daughter. I know bad mom. One day I noticed my son kept getting in his sister’s face until she finally hit him. That is when I realize in order to improve my children’s siblings’ bond I needed to listen to both sides of the story. Now I ask them to both come to me and explain what happen. This helps them learn to tell the truth and taking ownership of their wrong. They apologize by mentioning their wrong then they state their blessing reminder.
Have them work it out on their own
Some fights I get involved in, but other fights I have them work it out. I listen to both sides and then show them how to communicate their feelings. Or I will ask them how they would do things differently. For example, “ya’ll are fighting over this toy, what’s a better way to work this out?” Because I am intentional of teaching how to work things out, they usually respond with “we should share.” Sometimes they really get creative and figure out a new game. Improving your children’s siblings’ bond is a marathon not a sprint. However, the more you equip them with ways to communicate their feelings, the better they will become with working out their differences.
Boundaries
For now, I can tell my son’s love languages are physical touch and gifts. With him liking physical touch he tends to get into your personal space a lot. My daughter is the complete opposite. Studying my daughter has taught me she needs personal space when she wakes up from a nap. To avoid conflict, I tell my son to make sure to limit conversation and give his sister personal space. It is important we take time to study our children so we know what boundaries to set.
Limit Screen Time
I have a friend who does not allow TV during the week. She said she noticed a difference in her children’s behavior. I was so inspired that I limited TV to certain times of the day. I also noticed a difference in my children’s behavior. Turning off the TV and iPad, allowed my children to become more creative. At first, they would do their own thing. Now they play together for longer periods. Most mornings they play with each other for long periods before asking to watch a show.
Mommy Time
Studies have shown that when children have alone time with their parents it reduces sibling rivalry. I will say I have seen the benefits of this tip. It can be hard to find alone time with each child but make your request known to God. He will give you the ideas. For example, I spend 5-7 minutes alone with each child right before nap. I am not perfect with this, but I have done this often enough that my children expect it. It also helps them learn new ways to play with their toys and broaden their imagination. I make sure they respect each other one on one time.
Bonus
One last tip on improving and maintaining your children’s siblings’ bond. A therapist recommended playing the game Candy Land to help improve your children’s siblings’ bond. When your child lands on a certain color ask them questions about how their sibling makes them feel. For example: if they landed on red you would ask, “what does your sibling do that makes you upset?” This gives them a fun way to share their feelings.
